What Men Want

Seeing that I've done the article on what women want, I might as well write another about what men want for a change. Now lets get this straight, I'm saying this from my perspective and not anyone else's. But goodness knows that my views and the views of my loyal male readers will overlap one way or another.

The problem with girls our age is that they can get too clingy. Some girls tend to want their boy to pay full attention to them regardless of any situation. Whether its going out for a meal, watching a football match or even chatting on msn. A friend of mine told me a situation when his boo actually gave him a good sounding when it took him more than half a minute to reply her msn message. Damn ... imagine that. Getting scolded for replying a chat message late. The reason was that she assumed he was pleasuring himself with rather explicit material available on the Internet. Sigh ... every guy knows that it takes more than 30 seconds to enjoy porn, an average guy takes 32.5 seconds for crying out loud!!

Guys sometimes want some time alone to reflect on certain issues in everyday life. You know like studies, that hot chick's rack, work, that hot chick's ASSets, paying the rent, how that hot chick would look like naked, price of petrol, how would it feel to .... err .... oh yeah like I said important life altering issues. If you see us brooding alone like that in one corner with a frown or a blank look in our eyes, don't get all melodramatic and say that we're having our male PMS or crap like that. We're just thinking and rationalizing on how to get that hot chick between our sheets.

Besides being alone, we guys also like to hang out with other guys in a non gay way. Though I haven't played futsal in a long time I enjoy the sport (even if I do have more style than substance). We bond this way through the exhaustion and pain and sometimes humiliation. Its akin to soldiers in battle who somehow manage to forge this lifelong relationship with each other through the suffering. True we may hug each other and slap each other on the buttocks after performing well in a match but that doesn't make us gay now does it? Its not as though we're shoving our tongues each others throats and glimpsing at the size of our buddy's penis in public .... we do that in the locker room.

Defending DoTA is something I feel I need to do since I do play the game. Defense of the Ancients or DoTA is a guy thing. Its a 5 V 5 game where you can pick a particular character (hence now known as hero) or allocated one via random mode. Then you upgrade your hero's skill through getting experience points and buying certain items to enhance your abilities. The object of the game is easy. You need to push all the way through the 3 towers on either one of the 3 lanes, break the barracks of the enemy and finally attack and destroy the Throne or Tree depending on which team you are on. Each lane would send a legion of small soldiers that are not at your control to assist you on that quest. You kill your enemies soldiers or the enemy himself you get money and experience points. The new version has like 30+ heroes and this ensures that no 2 games can be exactly the same. This is why guys can spend an average of 3 hours playing this stupid game before getting what I like to term DoTA Drunk. You can't blame us for loving this computer game. Through this game we multitask (yes we can multitask). We control our characters, chat with our friends, go online (once we're dead) and much more stuff. Hell, we even have time to answer your call and tell you to call back later. How bad can DoTA be?

90% of men watch pornographic material in any one point of their lives, the other 10% are liars. Time and time again it has been proven that men are visual creatures. Don't you feel pity for us? Women are so lucky to be able to use the sense of smell, touch, hearing and imagination to incite them into the mood. Men on the other hand are either too stupid or too lazy to go through that route. So we opt for the easy way out ... porno. Its not like we don't appreciate you till we have to watch a bunch of actresses getting it from various angles. We tend to watch porn because we want to learn so that when the time is right and that special moment sparks between us we'll be able to bring you to heaven and back and make that 30 seconds* with you the most memorable 30 seconds of your life.

Men are simple creatures, benign and closer to the animals than women. So have pity on your boys and give them a little bit more freedom but not to the point where they can step on your head (remember we're kind of dumb). Finally if you see that we're not paying enough attention to you doesn't mean you don't mean anything to us, it just means that the thing getting our attention for that moment means more.

*In my case you take 30 seconds and you multiply it with 100 and you get the time I dedicate to foreplay, you multiply it with 1000 and you get the amount of time for the horizontal hokey-pokey and you divide it with 1,000,000 and you get my recovery time.